American Pie: The Book of Love (2009)

Can someone please explain to me why a film with a low-budget and absolutely no need for CGI would decide to shoehorn in some of the worst CGI I have ever seen in a movie. I mean, I know that it’s ultimately irrelevant, and if the rest of the film was great I probably wouldn’t care at all, but I just can’t understand the logic here. There’s a minute-long scene with a CGI moose in this film, and it makes the least amount of sense I’ve ever seen to include. There’s no real payoff to it and it looks awful. The CGI gondolas look awful, too, by the way.

Right. The rest of the movie. We’re back to the high school in which the very first American Pie was set. We have three leads: Rob (Bug Hall), Nathan (Kevin M. Horton), and Lube (Brandon Hardesty). Rob and Nathan play on the basketball team and seem to have a relatively healthy social life; they’re normal kids. Lube is larger kid who is also a nerd, although even he isn’t universally hated or anything. What unites them, apart from a long-term friendship, is that they’re all virgins. Like the teenagers in the first film, they want to change that.

They each have a target. Rob is friends with Heidi (Beth Behrs), who is also a virgin and looking to lose that label. But they’re “just friends,” even though Rob really likes Heidi, but is afraid to tell her. Nathan has a girlfriend, Dana (Melanie Papalia), but she has recently decided to take a purity vow, despite not even being a virgin or particularly religious. And Lube has been attracted to the head cheerleader, Ashley (Jennifer Holland), for years now.

They’re not having much luck. But, after a library fire, they discover the titular Book of Love, which you’ll remember the boys of the first film acquiring. It’s partially ruined, thanks to the whole fire thing, but there’s enough information there for them to try to get with a girl. The rest of the film basically has them trying different techniques on various girls, mostly resulting in a bunch of “hilarious” failures.

American Pie: The Book of
might be the worst
American Pie film yet.

This is the cheapest-looking American Pie film. It looks like it was shot on a shoestring budget and by someone who has never before shot a motion picture. This is particularly true in “daydream” scenes in which Lube imagines a whole bunch of “raunchy” scenarios featuring the characters around him. It looks so bad that I wanted to stop watching. The CGI mostly comes at the end, and is so hilariously bad that I’m glad I didn’t stop watching earlier. I’ve never seen CGI this bad before. It looks about as bad as a PS1 game. Maybe worse.

The acting is also terrible. Bug Hall, Kevin M. Horton, and Brandon Hardesty are three of the worst actors to grace an American Pie film, and none of them should have been relied on to be a lead. Even combined, their flaws are so glaring that I couldn’t take anything they did seriously. They also had no comedic timing, so any jokes that the film tried to make that involved them fell flat. They hurt this movie by being the leads. The females are better, although the film paints them as goals and targets, not as real people.

Are there any positives to this film? Well, at one point, the characters decide that listening to and respecting women is probably the best way to have a relationship with them, and that leads to them actually having success. So … it promotes that, I guess. Hooray for respect! But that’s it. The film fails in every single other aspect. Apart from this one idea, which is about the smartest thing an American Pie movie has ever said, this is a complete waste of time.

American Pie: The Book of Love might take place in the old high school, but what good does that do us when there are no non-Eugene Levy cameos from the old cast, or even callbacks to the original film? Instead, we get a cheap, poorly acted, boring, and predictable movie that also inexplicably contains some CGI—and it’s the worst CGI I’ve ever seen in a movie. It’s almost worth watching just to see how bad this CGI is. Who looked at this and thought “yes, this looks perfect”? The Book of Love might just be the worst American Pie film.

Conclusion: American Pie: The Book of Love might be the worst American Pie film yet.

Recommendation: Do not watch American Pie: The Book of Love.

  • 1/10
    Rating - 1/10

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