Snatched (2017)

The last time that Goldie Hawn decided to be in a movie, the year was 2002. It’s now 15 years after that and she’s decided to return to cinema screens with Snatched, perhaps the most baffling cinematic decision we’ll see this year. It’s not just that Snatched isn’t good—and, boy, isn’t it—but Hawn is more or less completely wasted, doing very little for the majority of its running time so that we can watch The Amy Schumer Show (not to be confused with Inside Amy Schumer, the actual Amy Schumer television show).

Snatched sees Schumer and Hawn play daughter and mother. Schumer’s character recently went through a breakup, and since she had non-refundable tickets to a trip to Ecuador, she decides to take her mother instead of one of her friends—most of whom refused to come, anyway. Once there, they become entangled in a kidnapping, escape, second kidnapping, attempted rescue, and a couple of chases. Oh, and lots of terrible, terrible comedy. Either Schumer’s act has grown stale or she’s regressed to the point where almost everything she says to try to make us laugh is cringeworthy.

Basically, she’s playing an even trashier version of her character from Trainwreck. It’s on purpose, and the film is making fun of that, but it’s still annoying and grows thin after just a couple of scenes. What we learn about her character is that she likes drinking and taking selfies … and only life-threatening peril is going to change that, apparently. There’s something to be said about making big life changes after experiencing traumatic events, but this is ridiculous.

It’d be tolerable if the comedy was strong, which is true of most comedies. If we’re laughing, we’ll overlook silly, stupid, and pointless elements because, well, if we’re laughing we’re not going to be particularly critical of the rest of it. After all, the result is more important than how we get there. But since almost all of the comedy falls flat, we’re going to notice how none of the rest of it is any good.

There are few things that are as dead on arrival as a bad comedy, and Snatched is a pretty terrible attempt at being funny.

We get to sit through a stupid plot, dumb buddy-buddy antics, lackluster acting, and cinematography that only occasionally uses its beautiful scenery to full effect. It comes across as lazy, like everyone involved looked at Amy Schumer, told her to “do some jokes, please, and we’ll film it and edit it into something that almost resembles a coherent movie” and that’s how we ended up at this point. But Schumer didn’t have jokes, and the whole project fell apart after that crucial step was missed.

Perhaps the most disappointing part of Snatched is that it’ll wind up on the resume of Jonathan Levine, a talented director whose previous worst film was still just “okay.” Now he’s got a genuine stinker to live down, and that’s just too bad. He’ll survive, though. So much of the project was banking on Schumer, and after her latest terrible Netflix special and Snatched, her status as a leading actor could very well be in jeopardy. One can also only hope that Goldie Hawn doesn’t take another 15-year cinematic vacation, but after seeing Snatched it’s entirely possible she’ll think that the movies just aren’t worth it anymore.

There are few things that are as dead on arrival as a bad comedy, and Snatched is a pretty terrible attempt at being funny. It puts all of its eggs in the Amy Schumer basket, and she fumbles them before getting them to the car—let alone the fridge. We never get the funny jokes. We just hear the ones that good movies would put on the cutting room floor. They’re all in Snatched, most of them are cringeworthy, and the film, on the whole, is an utter waste of time, talent, and money.

Conclusion: Snatched is a terrible excuse for a comedy.

Recommendation: Don’t see Snatched. There’s no point

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3 thoughts on “Snatched (2017)”

    1. 0.5 stars. Half a star. 1/10. 0.5/5.

      Pretty sure it’s divided equally. It’s supposed to be, anyway!

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